Margaret Mcdowell, 37 years old
You think you have everything clear in your mind and then bam! Something happens to throw you right off course, like when your ex dates someone new. Relationships are even weirder than life in general. We all have past relationships that perhaps we wish had gone differently, or things we wish we could change. But life is life, and the past is, quite literally, behind us. One situation which throws many people off course is when your ex dates someone new. When another person teams up with your ex, they make memories and have experiences, and all dating ex feels weird that can feel very strange indeed.
The next thing that happens after you break up with someone — this is after the tears, the drama, the denial, the anger, the acceptance, maybe a sneaky shag, more anger, more acceptance and then closure — is moving on. Some people start dating to force themselves to move on, some to bury the pain and yes, some are just ready to jump back in the saddle. You should be focusing on yourself and your own future rather than worrying about his. If you have had the chance to lick your wounds, heal, learn and move dating ex feels weird, you stand a better chance of happiness. There must be time to heal. Catch up with friends and family, ramp up the social life and enjoy plenty of me time where you get to be and do exactly what you want. You have no control over him or his life but you do over yours. It is correct to move on even for the women.
Sure, the two of you have made this decision and have concluded that you care more about each other than the past. Your mind will still be battling with the demons of the past that lead to the breakup in the first place. Is this the right decision? Why do I feel this is worth saving? Is he the one for me or am I just terrified of ending up alone? Ugh, when your friends see the notifications online
More about dating ex feels weird:
She and I were soul sisters, spoke on the phone for hours, had sleepovers all the time. She was my rock. She started to date this guy and four months after they broke up we started to dating ex feels weird each other. Also, I knew so much about their relationship. Mariella replies Move on, or backpedal a bit? I know the world we live in now is based on the principle of forward momentum — eyes to the fore, sights set on future goals and opportunities. We are alert to anything that tries to buffet us backwards. Too much focus on distant and elusive peaks, and it can get pretty messy on your path. You can find yourself with little to cling to when the occasional downward slide occurs.
Lots of people have told me unequivocally that they would never date a friend's ex. They wholeheartedly believe that it's wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they'd never talk to that person again. They believe this is something everybody knows, that they're just following the rules. What I've noticed, though, is that every person I've heard espouse this worldview was straight. This rule dating ex feels weird almost never stated or enforced among queer communities. If you're gay, you will almost inevitably date a friend's ex at some point. Queer communities are often small and insular, and once you've found one, you tend to hold on to it for dear life. It's difficult to meet people you're romantically interested in beyond an already-defined circle, and outside of your city's queer scene, most people you run into are likely to be straight. Even if you meet someone to whom you think you have no previous connection, a minute conversation almost always reveals that she went to high school with your college roommate, used to be on a volleyball team with that girl from your book club, and had a six-month stand with your favorite barista.
The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He's been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he's here to help the average guy step his dating game up a notch — or several. I'm in a pickle. Over the last couple of weeks, I've been hanging out with a close friend's ex-girlfriend, platonically, after we ran into each other at Starbucks. We have a real connection.